ぼくの日記

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Jittery all day long

18th May 2005, Wednesday

I was quite surprised I did not wake up in cold sweat from a nightmare of what consequences I had to bear for my "caught in the act" yesterday
There was a scene though just as I was waking up of JxMMy been the harbinger of my worst news which I had no slightest idea what it was actually...

As the breeze of the light drizzle sends shivers all over my body, but it's my heart and mind that is trembling in distort and totally disarrayed, and thoughts of all the scary consequences kept me awake throughout my MRT journey as I was sacred stiff as I approach my institute closer and closer...

For the entire day, I am jittery and my body becomes rigid with anxiety and tension..I dare not even do my normal surfing on my workstation, just checked my emails of any updated news about my "illegal exploit" of the company been reprimanded or phone calls demanding me to anwser my act to the authority..I also got very jumpy with appearances of anyone that I thought would be bringing me any bad news..I was really stressed and even lunch became tasteless... All I could do was to keep myself busy so that time passes by fast..
In my mind I kept thinking if my supervisor is around, I would do my confession and the entire incident could be resolve...but I was keep stranded at this position...

The Norwegian programmer is in again today to tie up everything yesterday and finish up a new program for another process... Therefore I stayed in the cozy support room, shielded from the world outside, especially dare not step into my workstation, afraid that the scene yesterday would be re-enacted... but time passed and still no news, so i live another day, and pray that my supervisor would made it back by tommorrow afternoon... anyway she would be stunned to find LF (an alleged fave of hers) would be joining a new lab by July...

Japanese word of the day 有罪: ~yuu-zai~ (Guilty) as charged


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